✅ How to Be a Great Client and Partner
You’ve probably heard horror stories about construction projects that go off the rails and end with unhappiness and unnecessary expenses. Often, this problem can be boiled down to relationships and communication between the owners, builders, architects, and others. The same is true for the homeowner's spouse/partner or families.
In this chapter, we'll discuss two very important relationships in your project.
- You and the GC
- You and Your Partner/Spouse/Family
How to Be a Great Client
Your project will go more smoothly if you put effort into being a good client and maintain positive relationships with the team. This can be a challenge in a big, complicated, and expensive project. You'll feel pressure and your patience may be tested. You may even get emotional or frustrated. Part of being a great client is not allowing these to impact the project or team.
Ambiguity is the cause of many problems. Err on the side of over-communicating and over-specifying. Take notes regarding discussions and decisions. Take photos.
There are a number of things you can do to help ensure productive working relationships.
Be Financially Responsible
I'll say it plainly. The business relationship between a homeowner and GC is held together with money. Part of being a great client means having your financial house in order and paying on time. If this part of the relationship is compromised, it can cause big problems, no matter how friendly you are.
Understand the Plans
Unfortunately, building plans are not easy to read for most homeowners. It's a challenge to imagine a three-dimensional structure based on a two-dimensional drawing. Before construction begins, take the time to develop a solid understanding of the plans so that you are not surprised.
Contractor Drew Reed:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
I’ve had experiences where owners were engaged with the plans and had creative ideas. Then, when you sit down with them to go through the plans page by page, it’s clear they don’t understand what they’re getting. Once I explain how something is going to look, they say something like, “Oh, that’s not what we thought it would be.” Big design decisions were lost in the translation. We were about to build something the owners didn’t understand. So understanding the plans is really important.
Homeowners Jon and Mari were in a similar situation and had this tip.
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
Make sure your architect is able to communicate clearly about the plan. In our case, we were looking at a lot of 2 dimensional drawings. I've seen other 3d renderings, which would have been really helpful for us for understanding how the house would look in 3d space. Some of the changes that are happening now could have been avoided if we would have been able to grasp the relationship from the floor to the windows, for example. And it would have saved us at least tens of thousands of dollars.
Have a Plan and Stick to It
The best-case scenario for a GC, and your budget, is to have a fully developed set of plans and owners who have committed to sticking to it. This, of course, rarely happens. As the house comes to life, it can reveal things that need to be changed.
Perfection is a worthy goal, but it must be balanced with reality and compromise. Sometimes “very good” has to suffice in order to keep moving forward.
Be Decisive
Homeowners can be paralyzed by all the decisions they have to make, which can cause project delays. Remember that the GC is always thinking ahead and often needs to order materials or schedule subcontractors weeks ahead of time. Being decisive helps keep the supply chain on track.
That being said, if there is a situation that requires consideration or research, take a day to look up information or talk with the manufacturer, take a night to sleep on it. This can work well when there is an error or problem that needs a resolution, or when there are a multitude of factors to consider. Take the day/night to think it through, and then be decisive. Your efficiency in decision-making will translate to efficiency in the project.
Communicate Clearly
Ambiguity is the cause of many problems. Err on the side of over-communicating and over-specifying. Take notes regarding discussions and decisions. Take photos.
Understand the Chain of Command & Responsibility
Problems arise, mistakes happen, things will not always go to plan. How and with whom you communicate the issues will make a difference in how smoothly the project goes.
As a general rule, the GC is responsible for the project and all of the workers, including subcontractors. This means that your feedback should primarily go through the GC and not the people performing the work or those under their responsibility.
Contractor Drew Reed:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
Be careful when you see something that appears to be a problem. It's counter-productive to start telling the GC's employees or the subcontractors what to do outside the presence of the GC. It sets up a confusing situation where the worker is not sure how to proceed. The best policy is to ask or talk to the GC first. If something comes up when the GC is not there, be sure to keep them in the loop. They need to have a clear picture of where things stand, what was discussed, and any decisions that were made.
Remain Flexible
You should assume that some things will not happen as you expect. A product may be discontinued, a material may have doubled in price, or an appliance may be back-ordered for a year. It happens and there may be little you can do. It will help the project if you remain flexible, learn what IS possible, and keep moving forward.
Provide Positive Reinforcement
The team working on your project, like most humans, appreciate recognition for their work. If you see that a worker has completed something that looks great, tell them. Show that you noticed and that they are appreciated. If possible, do it with the GC present, or tell the GC if they did a great job.
Some owners are like dictators who won’t be easily influenced. Other owners are like teammates who actively look for feedback. While projects with dictators may be efficient, they risk alienating the team and don’t always end up with the best outcomes.
Talk to your GC about the best ways to treat the team when the time is right. This could mean bringing them lunch, adding drinks to their fridge, cookies, etc.
Homeowner Jake has one exception to this idea:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
I like doing nice things for the crew, so I would drop by and give them cherry limeades or a box of cookies. Buy them pizza for lunch once in a while. But skip the beer; I don’t want them drunk on my jobsite.
Make Changes with Care
You will probably have second thoughts and see opportunities to make changes throughout the project. How you provide this feedback, and to whom, matters.
Significant changes, like moving a wall, can create a ripple effect that's not apparent to you. The wall may support the roof, for example. Before going too deep, work with the architect and builder to understand the implications of the change, associated costs, and any delays it might create. Your architect may be able to create sketches that give the builder clear direction for executing it.
Seek Advice from the Pros
Being the homeowner is a powerful role. With great power comes great responsibility and how you use that power matters. Some owners are like dictators who won’t be easily influenced. Other owners are like teammates who actively look for feedback. While projects with dictators may be efficient, they risk alienating the team and don’t always end up with the best outcomes.
In my experience, being a teammate is the best way to build the house you want. Getting through the dilemmas and creative decisions is a challenge that can be overcome by seeking advice from people who have been there: the construction team. They are a valuable resource who can help you balance what you want with what is possible. For this to work, you’ll need to set the expectation that you’re open to their ideas and appreciate their input. Then, it will be up to you to ask questions and seek advice. Try to be a teammate more than a dictator.
Homeowners Jon and Mari:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
One of the big breakthroughs we had was standing on-site with the GC and his superintendent. We didn’t have a deck in the plans and we were trying to imagine how it could work. All of a sudden, it was an epiphany. We understood the levels of the deck and how it related to all of the spaces. It needed to wrap around the corner, flow into the pathway, and connect to the lower property. And it made absolute sense because everyone was standing there and thinking about it together. That was one of my favorite moments.
React to Observable Conditions
Jon and Mari's experience above is also a good example of being open to inspiration based on what you can see or experience in the real world. Sometimes building plans can be abstract and disconnected from reality. If you cling to them too much, you won't be able to react to incoming information that you see on-site.
Homeowner Jake provided this perspective:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
Here’s an example. Let’s say the plumbers have installed a showerhead during the rough-in phase. At this point it’s just wood and pipes. When you step into the shower and account for the height of the future floor, it’s obvious the showerhead is too low and needs to be raised. It sucks, but at that moment it’s a $300 change that takes a day. If you hesitate and decide to do it later, after the tile is applied, it may be a $3,000 change that takes a week. And mess. And interruption on your life. This is why it’s important to observe and test what you can, and be prepared to react when something needs to be corrected. Otherwise you’ll be kicking yourself every time you take a shower for years to come.
Remember that Perfection is Virtually Impossible
We all want our new homes to be perfect, but that’s not the reality. The material you want to use may not be available or fit into the budget. You might have forgotten to add an extra outlet that would have been handy. If you get wrapped up in making every detail perfect, you’ll never move in and the construction team may grow weary. This sets up a situation that can become volatile.
Perfection is a worthy goal, but it must be balanced with reality and compromise. Sometimes “very good” has to suffice in order to keep moving forward. It's difficult to imagine in the heat of the moment, but imperfections will fade in your perception. The ding in the entry door will become invisible, the texture smudge in the paint will end up behind wall art. No one will notice but you and you’ll adapt. It will be okay.
If you are concerned about something specific being perfect, communicate it to the builders and work with them to understand the importance of that feature.
Partner Relationships: You and Yours
One of the most important relationships is, of course, between you and your spouse/partner and families. The stress of construction projects can easily impact personal relationships and it’s important to understand and prepare for handling the issues that will inevitably arise.
If one of you has reservations about a design or decision, for example, that person should feel comfortable speaking up. You don’t want to look back and wish you’d been an advocate for something that mattered to you.
Below are a few factors to consider:
Shared Vision
An important asset in these personal relationships is a shared vision of what you want. When you create a creative brief, you’ll define that vision and it’s a good opportunity to double-check that you’re on the same page. If one of you wants a classic craftsman for a minimum budget and the other wants an expensive modern, it may be time to reset before spending more money.
Defined Roles
You or your spouse/partner may be the “lead” on the project and the person who makes most of the decisions. It’s nice for the ship to have a captain, but collaboration is essential. For example, if one of you does most of the cooking, that person may play a central role in the design of the kitchen, from dimensions to cabinets and appliances. If one of you is most interested in colors and textures, that person may be best for doing the research and providing design ideas.
Homeowner Jake:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
When I built my house a few years back, one of the first early disagreements I had with my (now) ex-wife was about the choice of bathtubs. This decision highlighted that we needed boundaries and a clear delineation of who was making what decisions and why. Figure out what you are each passion about and then let the person with the passion make the final call on the decisions related to that.
It’s my experience that doing any huge project like building a house, starting a business, long-term travel, etc., is going to shine a bright light on both the good and bad parts of the relationship and supercharge them. Be prepared.
Getting through is all about acknowledging one another and being open and honest about shortcomings along with strengths and weaknesses. This could mean having discussions about your passions and what you want on your plate. Alternatively, if one person has no interest in a specific part of the project, the other person can take it off their plate.
My advice is to figure out the boundaries and develop a game plan before you start building. In some ways, this is like project planning your relationship as much as you project plan the house. If you don’t have a solid foundation, it doesn’t matter how many fun things you add on.
Homeowners Monique and James took a similar approach:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
I think we've taken a divide and conquer approach, which has helped us play to our strengths. Early on, the design decisions moved really quickly because we had the same idea of what we wanted from the beginning, and we did a lot of the legwork.
Then, as the project got further along and more complicated, James became responsible for budgeting and all the decisions around scheduling and managing the finance process. I took all the on-site calls from the foreman and often made the on-the-fly decisions about the design. So I've taken over understanding all the architectural plans, James has taken over understanding all the line items and details and I manage people.
Realistic Expectations
Having a home construction project can be like having a second job, except you pay for the pleasure. You'll probably have many decisions to make, designs to review, products and materials to consider, etc. Not everyone enjoys this process and it can seem overwhelming at times. Not to mention that you may have a more limited, inconvenient or uncomfortable living situation during the build. Before diving too deep, consider your capacity, time constraints and future plans. This may not be the time to go back to school or start a new hobby. You may also want to have time for family and friends, whether it's having a sounding board about the project or carving out time where no house discussion is allowed.
Also, when your time does start to feel too full or a bit overwhelming, know that it is temporary. This project is finite, and there will be an end. Sometimes, just knowing it's not forever and there is an end can help put the process and stress in perspective.
Homeowner Julie:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
Something I try to keep in mind is that this experience is an enormous privilege. If you get pulled into the minutiae and the details and the frustrations, you lose sight of the fact that building a custom home is a remarkable experience. I feel like I've been lucky and that I’ve enjoyed the process. If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be to keep that perspective and not get frustrated by the little things that come up.
Architect Tom Kundig provides a perspective on his experience in working with homeowners.
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
People who build their own home tend to be very courageous. These people are curious about life. They're thinking about what it means to live in a house, rather than just buying a commodity and making it work.
It's true. Taking on this sort of project requires courage and a recognition that you are pursuing something remarkable that is a privilege. Do what you can to help your loved ones appreciate the adventure and engage them in the dream.
Open Communication
You and your spouse/partner will need to communicate openly and honestly. You are building a house that you’ll live in for years to come. If one of you has reservations about a design or decision, for example, that person should feel comfortable speaking up. You don’t want to look back and wish you’d been an advocate for something that mattered to you.
Architect and homeowner Matt:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
The really important thing is to understand what your priorities are and be on the same page, because the worst thing you can do is have your architect become a marriage counselor.
Be honest with one another, know your strengths and weaknesses and work with a team who will be there when you need help with a decision. It also helps to be honest with your builder, be honest with the architect, and tell them where you want to participate, where you want guidance. This communication is super important.
Building a home is a huge project and nobody wants to work with a couple that’s constantly in disagreement. I’ve seen a lot of examples where one party just throws up their hands and tells the other person to make all the decisions. It always backfires. The couple has to find a way to work together because the bitterness will linger. If they wait too long, any attempts to accommodate that person’s needs will be expensive and cause delays.
Find the Humor or Levity
Your house project will supply a constant stream of surprises, good and bad. If negative feelings start to bubble up, they can snowball and have an impact on your happiness and health. If you sense this happening, try to find a bit of humor or levity in the situation. If you are working with a spouse or partner, you are in it together, for the long haul. Try to make each other laugh, or use dark humor. Say things that remind you that it could be worse.
Homeowners Jon and Mari describe their dynamic:
![expert-icon](https://leelefever.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Experts-e1644604163201.png)
Jon and I worked together before we were a couple and we have a lot of respect for each other. We have been in difficult situations before trying to get things done, and we have a similar sense of humor, which helps a lot. We also have a similar aesthetic, we both can look at something and say that looks bad, or I can live with that, or that looks great. I think if we hadn’t had that or if either of us had been super precious about something it would have been much more difficult.
Argue in Private
When you arrive on-site, see the progress and need to make decisions, you and your partner may have arguments or disagreements. If workers are on-site, remember that you are in their workplace and can be a distraction that has a negative impact.
Willingness to Change Course
Plans are just that: plans. What matters is what gets built. You will have to react to incoming information and possibly change course from time to time. Your favorite feature may not work as you planned. The engineers may not approve your idea for the roofline or deck. You and your spouse/partner will need to remain flexible and open to new approaches.
Getting it Right
As you've seen, the success of your project, outside of the actual structure, is based on relationships and communication. These soft skills are what can make a difference in how you feel about the project and the results.
Next we'll keep the same focus, but talk about the dynamics between the pros on the project and what you can do to help them work together successfully.
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